After all, he has accepted her as is all along. It doesn't matter if you like her or not; you still have to support her." He complains I have an attidude for everthing and I'm never satisfied but I just complaine that our love life is just boring and dull. The first thing I had to do, said the psychologist, was identify my expectations of Sophie so I could understand whether they were realistic or un- achievable. Reblogged this on Hope For Hurting Parents and commented: This is a wonderful and insightful blog and not just for parents of teens. A moment of reckoning came when Sophie was 4, at a playdate with my best friend and her daughter. I know there's something horribly wrong with me, so please - you don't have to be kind, but please bear in mind I don't know if I can go on like this anymore. Second this...even though many are saying there's nothing they can do. Why don't I love my children anymore. But something is wrong with my child, I kept thinking. All this to say while unusual, your situation is not unheard of. 1 decade ago. Scrap those things. I feel like I'm just tolerating them, just getting along because there's no other choice, like roommates that I can't get rid of. As the daughter of a local politician, I was expected to be a role model — to dress appropriately, smile and make small talk, write thoughtful thank-you notes. You can choose to place your child for adoption with them, known as an identified adoption. My husband, by contrast, has always loved and cherished Sophie for who she is. Relevance. Hi i'm 35. my husband totally devestated me my saying he didn't love me anymore . I don't treat them badly. I've always felt like this about my kids. Her speech, motor skills, and social maturation were three years behind schedule. Why was my own daughter so difficult for me to parent? Props to your mom for trying. You mentioned that you resent them and listed their shortcomings, which is understandable. My husband is cautiously optimistic about the treatment (nightly hormone shots) but concerned about possible side effects. We fight alot about really stupit things. If you are thinking, “I don’t want my child anymore,” you may have someone in mind who can provide the love and support you cannot at this time in your life. Like, clinically speaking. Thanks for writing a … She doesn't regret having her children specifically, there is no animosity and she likes them as people, but it's just not where she wanted her life to go. This just wasn't the magic mother- daughter bond that every book I read, every movie I saw, and every family I'd ever met had led me to expect. At a birthday party, when she walked away from the parachute game the other kids were playing, I said, "There she goes again, being antisocial." Still, denying my expectations day after day was hard. I couldn’t wait to finish college and get a job in another city. Are your children biological children? As for if they love me, that's harder to answer. As long as I wanted her to be someone she could never be, I was setting her up to fail, in my eyes, every single day. Parental love enhances the well-being and development of children. He really tried, but in the end it just wasn't enough to sustain a marriage. Doesn't express needs or even recognize them (will cry when hungry even as her peers use full sentences). This sounds so much like my ex husband/father of my son. Do they show you love? Send them off somewhere fun, and just have some quiet time to yourself? Instead, she takes running leaps into my arms, her strong legs squeezing my middle in her signature "cobra hug." The author's husband knows she says some harsh, even shocking things in this essay. I cant get my head round it....I would never dream of telling my kids I dont love them anymore. I remember thinking "I've made a terrible mistake. I would never have seen it that way. My husband never not even as my boyfriend did he ever give me reasons to think this it’s just something that it feel deep in my core and it’s ruining my marriage I feel sometimes 0 love for him because he gave a child 2 someone else when I gave him my all! She felt I wasn't attuned to Sophie's vulnerabilities — she's a sensitive soul; I'm a bull-in-a-china-shop type. It's a natural progression, and the timing sucks. My mother used to say, "Nothing succeeds like success," and I stepped up. 2 thoughts on “ I Don’t Love My Child Anymore She Said – Or Does She? ANYONE to turn to that they KNOW they're loved; so they know they're not alone. I honestly didn't know. Over there!" Be well, I'm hear if you need to talk or rant or I can provide any kind of useful advice to help. It does not mean they don't love their children. She wouldn't make eye contact, and she'd scream bloody murder at the sound of ripping paper. I love my spouse very much, I love my siblings and parents, and I love my nieces and nephews. At the prompting of our pediatrician, who was concerned about Sophie's sluggish growth, she was tested and diagnosed with a growth hormone deficiency that had slowed her development across the board since birth. But it’s all so couched in good-natured hilarity that, for those of us who find ourselves legitimately tearing up—angry, barricaded in the bathr… Favorite Answer. Who wouldn't? She was 7 by the calendar but only 4 by her own body clock, a pre-K'er thrust into second grade. Now he is an excellent father could'nt ask for better father for my son but I just don't feel in love with him anymore. 13 Answers. Not a bad idea, but I kind of doubt love for you kids is something you can be "therapy'd" into. Interestingly, the way I feel towards him now probably mirrors his feelings towards me. It broke my heart a little every day. I don't love them anymore - I feel they are talking up all my time and they are so bothersome! You can get advice on potty training, talk about breastfeeding, discuss how to get your baby to sleep or ask if that one weird thing your kid does is normal. Your personal feelings toward their personalities and strain on your personal goals and aspirations is again partially your responsibility. Yes, I do. This is an incredibly tough one... Fucked up, is kind of the mildest way to explain the situation. Sure. Here's what he'd like you to know about the woman behind those words. There's an upside even, in that I've picked up some of her intellectual empathy, which can sometimes give me perspective alongside the normal emotional empathy. If they sinned then god will be there on judgment day for them to answer to, and you are here on earth giving your child the teaching as per your christian religion and god will see that so please dont tell your daughter you dont love her anymore because that could lead to her having complexities. This. We have been married 18 years. I do have a heart that longs to be loved but I can't allow it. She would try to hide it as best she could, as I suppose that's what she thought was right; but after 16 years, we both cut our losses and went our separate ways. One of the most common phrases my wife Ashley and I hear when talking with married couples who are facing struggles, boredom, the aftermath of infidelity or any other type of challenge in marriage is something like, “I just don’t feel the same anymore. There's no way we couldn't. There was a time when both of you agreed to tie the nuptial knot and started the marital relationship in the witness of all your friends and relatives. She'd climb to the top of the slide and then cry to be rescued. In this riveting confession, she admits that her young daughter disappointed her from day one. Then, a few days later, we got a yer from Sophie's preschool. Although you can go through the motions and provide the basic level of support, it fucks kids up when their parent doesn't love them. This isn't the only place that does it, just a place to give you an idea of what they're like. Answer Save. They probably never have been depressed. If you are feeling depressed, it is happening while your adolescents are starting to move away from their parents. This was different. I don't believe that your daughters don't love you anymore. After all, I'm her mom. I thought, Whoa! Having been a female adolescent back in the … Score one for Sophie. If this is the case, try to remember that it’s the behavior you It was a major theme in The Hurt Locker. I love my spouse very much, I love my siblings and parents, and I love my nieces and nephews. If not, the feelings of exhaustion, irritation, and apathy tend to overshadow the love that's really there. 13 Answers. But what if you don't? Like, if they say they love me, I say it back. I don't love them anymore - I feel they are talking up all my time and they are so bothersome! It's the most given of givens: Moms love their kids. If they died, I think I would feel bad, but I think only in the way you might feel bad if a distant relative or a coworker died. I wonder if OP is in the military. Hope some of that helps in some way. Growing up, I had hoped to someday have a daughter, and I had a clear vision of what she would be like: vivacious, spunky, and whip-smart, socially savvy and self-assured. As the diagnosis sank in, I found myself feeling more tender, more motherly toward Sophie. My first reaction was relief — a diagnosis! I don't feel this way about other people. But, there are times when it feels necessary to say, so a few times a month I say it. There was a time when one of our children didn’t love me. What if it snowed in summer? Start over. But another mom said, "Sophie's doing her own thing. And he makes it look so easy! Neither found any- thing wrong. I do all the things you would expect. If I can tell they're feeling particularly down about something, I'll tell them in the conversation about it. I no longer felt anything for my husband. We'd ask, "Sophie, wanna join the game?" We may earn money from the links on this page. It might not be the most wholesome or financially sustainable hobby, but we needed to start somewhere. He was the main breadwinner and worked all hours. I'm really surprised that it's not mentioned in any of the top comments. It's important for you to know that you're not a bad person, I just don't really know what to say to make you feel better. Don't feel bad posting this - you've told us because, actually, you DO love your DS and you do want to change things for the better. Lori June 18, 2015 at 8:05 pm - Reply Whether I've finally learned to be a good parent to Sophie — or in spite of the fact that I haven't — my now-9-year-old is in a pretty good place. jm. There’s definitely been a rise in the “honest mom” genre—which often overlaps with the wine-swilling, benignly neglectful “bad mom” thing—with countless sarcastic Twitter accounts and social media personalities devoted to gallows humour over the harder, grosser, less joyful parts of parenting. I watch her sometimes, looking for clues of the emotional scarring I fear I've inflicted, but I see none. I instantly regretted scads of horrible things I'd said to her over the years and prayed that the damage wasn't irreparable. One of them is that your child will teach you how to be the parent they need — if you're willing to listen. ” Tom and Dena Yohe. First, know that you are not alone, and that these feelings are shared by others. No matter how well you act, you are going to slip up. Almost never. I sometimes tell them I love them. I'm naturally an introvert, and need time alone to sort my thoughts and relax. If you see your partner as another random person you date or screw, you don't care about your partner anymore. 16 years later, and there's obviously no contact, but much more than that, the impact of our relationship has bared consequences for all of my other relationships for the rest of my life . That constant thought in my mind terrified me. He's the only person whom I've felt such strong hatred for (I know it's a strong word), but now that I'm older I can't help but feel sorry for him that he had to live with a child he never wanted. Understanding this is crucial to reconciling some of your resentment. From the early stages of pregnancy to when your teenagers are finally ready to leave the nest (even if they don't want to) we're here to help you through this crazy thing called parenting. We fight alot about really stupit things. If I looked at my behavior objectively, it was disgusting. But knowing that doesn't help me manage my feelings of resentment and repulsion (revulsion? "That's too hard for her," the psychologist said, recalling my own checklist. What to do when your child says you don’t love them. A few days later, I found her poring over a Mini Boden catalog. You’re about to go bed, and you look one last time at your sleeping child… the one you can’t love. They said they mostly weren't there when the kids were young. You don’t necessarily have to work with an agency for this path. At birth, Sophie was skinny and weak. I don't particularly wish them success or happiness, any more than I wish that for a stranger. This.. To me, she was trapped in her own strange world, driven by her own mysterious motivations, and hopelessly incapable of being normal. The contrasts between Lilah and Sophie went beyond the physical. At one point she scored higher for psychopathy than Charles Manson on the MMPI. I spoke to her day-care director and had her tested by the school district. The search to find something wrong was her quest for an instruction booklet. It wasn't the diagnosis I expected, but it made sense. I felt guilty that I was basically repelled by my own child. I think its totally selfish to do this especially as your child may be to young to know whats happening but when he gets older he will resent you for it. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I called it her Rain Man act. Relationships 6 Signs of Falling Out of Love with a Partner There's a difference between loving and being in love. The only thing I can really even think to say, is that although I'm positive that they already feel it from you; Don't ever let those feelings be known to them. Relevance. I think its totally selfish to do this especially as your child may be to young to know whats happening but when he gets older he will resent you for it. I was judging Sophie as usual, criticizing how she was painting with the stick part of the paintbrush instead of the bristles, when my friend turned to me and said point-blank: "You are Sophie's mother. We were mostly civil to each other after I temporarily moved home from college, partly due to me growing up and moving past my hot-headed teenaged years. But when it comes to my kids, I feel nothing. I'm sure the children are on the ways to -- or already have -- realized that their parent doesn't love them. Sheer indifference and I 'm 35. my husband totally devestated me my saying he did n't love me except! 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