(I Peter 1:7). Good point Sue! Some people think that you don’t. Then discovered over 50 videos he had taken of women from behind at the gym. Prayer: Lord, I don’t know why this is happening, but I pray that through this situation, I can lead someone to you. How can you forgive an adult child who continues to use drugs and steal from you? You explained why we should forgive, but not actually how to do this? I do also know that I am a human being who has sinned in my life and one thing about me is that I do not mind sharing with the world at large all I have done, the bad and the ugly. Forgiving does not mean you won’t get angry the next time your child lies to you or your wife cheats on you or your sister steals your identity. Julia: What would you say to someone who’s experiencing hard things, some sort of trial, and they believe that God put these things purposefully in their life just to hurt them? God sees the beginning and the end. Thanks for your comment Stephanie. You can study it more by going here: https://net.bible.org/#!bible/Hebrews+8:6. I thought we had a happy, fulfilling marriage. I am not married but have the same situation I’m faced with forgiving 70 x 70 x 70 Etc and he keeps doing the same thing over and over and over again because he too is a Christian and understands that forgiveness is part of being a Christian and uses that as ammunition against me to do whatever it is he wants to do, It certainly makes it tough when another Christian acts as though it’s the “Christian” thing to do to accept their hurtful or destructive behaviors and call that “forgiveness.”, What I’ve found is the change has to first begin in you. And, holding hostility toward the other person serves as a support for that fortified wall. I really need God’s help every time she hurts me because when she does I struggle between the pain of the hurt and forgiveness. He admitted there were lots more I did not see. I have been hurt so many times and it seems as if god lets these people who have made me suffer so much into depression and suicidal thoughts and people just get away with this. 5:8). Hard to believe, as no one actually wants to be hurt but it's true. He likes to look online because he can look longer than just a glance in public (hence, the videos). […], […] How to Forgive Someone Who Keeps Hurting You […]. Healthy boundaries between people, friends, in marriage, with … Especially when it’s a parent, spouse, or someone you just can’t cut out of your life so easily. So why does He let innocent people—especially children, for heaven’s sake—suffer? The New English Translation (NET), which strives to be very literal in it’s translation, quotes Jeremiah as saying: “For I will forgive their sin and will no longer call to mind the wrong they have done.”. Disclosure: I am writing this while beset by the most physical pain I’ve experienced since post-polio syndrome started attacking my body with the “unholy trinity” of pain, weakness and fatigue. Here’s how to forgive someone who has hurt you emotionally. “If I forgive him,” you may say, “he’ll only hurt me again.”. Also, just because you still are cautious concerning his behaviors does not mean you have not forgiven. I see you already responded to this in a previous thread. Instead, the Son left heaven, wrapped Himself in human flesh, and came to earth where He lived a perfect, sinless life. When someone hurts you, allow yourself to feel the emotions. Lord, comfort her and heal her heart. ), […] What you don’t get is a heart that really loves, regardless of relationship difficulties. "Blessed be the . The Bible says that some people who said they loved God made “him feel hurt.” Yes, “they pained” God! I have mentioned four of those points: Don’t rush or force it. Sue Bohlin is a speaker/writer and webmistress for Probe Ministries, a Christian organization that helps people to think biblically. But then they got back again. I feel like we may need counseling but I can’t find any Christian counselors in our area that aren’t attached to a specific church. I have forgiven those who have hurt me so that I can move on with my life but it is like each time I am on the internet, its like I am constantly being reminded of what they have done to me in the past. Enforcing boundaries, or defining what behaviors you will allow yourself to be around, doesn’t mean being spiteful to the offender. I can’t accept that such girl will be getting married to my cousin and be part of our family. When Hurt By Someone You Love – God will use this for your good. Perhaps you can find some way to minimize or avoid these reminders. Even more, there are plenty of verses that refer to God forgiving but still allowing consequences to come upon people. Lastly, being around each other may help to see the good that is also there in her, which may help you to not feel as emotionally heated about past events. they are asking the wrong question. My apologies. He did it anyway. This same suffering God promised, “Behold, I am making all things new” (Rev. Actually, God does say for us to forgive just as he has forgiven us. We talked about it but it seems she just keeps doing it again and again. Man said, “I don’t need You, God. Maybe the question is: Does God want you to have people in your life that break you off? 2. I found a christian speaker: Henry Cloud, he speaks about boundaries. I don’t know how to forgive these people, or how to not feel vengeful or hope that something terrible happens to them or to one of their loved ones so that they finally “get” it. The God of light and life, of love and truth, knew that all those things are found only in Him; He knew that to reject Him meant choosing darkness and death, isolation and deception. So I looked at his history. No one, of course, can hurt the body of Jehovah God. Please tell me how to forget and forgive. I am adding you to my prayer list, for I know only God my Father can truly heal your pain. Perhaps, he’s called you to wait on him. I imagine other readers may have wondered the same thing about Hebrews 8:12. It’s related to the question of how to forgive someone who keeps hurting you, though it’s larger, because it’s A LOT of people who hurt all of us over and over again by consciously, actively refusing to do what’s right. The Lord nudged me with a reminder that I had stopped taking a supplement the previous week because I didn't think it was doing anything for me . Or it could be that her behavior is linked to something that needs to be healed within her. But when we discussed past things, she again started blaming me and dint behave in a good way. I know I will be worried it will happen again. He is a loving God who wants the best for each of us. Boundaries that will keep us function healthily. She also loves speaking for MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) and Stonecroft Ministries (Christian Women's Clubs) on the topic How to Handle the Things You Hate But Can't Change, based on her lifelong experience as a polio survivor. While the information provided on this site is for your personal growth, it is not to be considered professional counseling. You also could be believing a second myth, that it means you have to stay in relationship with this person without the other person changing their treatment of you. The first two people Jehovah created on … But I fear this behavior is a precursor to cheating and I don’t know what would’ve happened had I not found out. But most disturbing is he had been checking out a women from work’s instagram page with (surprise, surprise) is full of lots of gym selfies showing ample cleavage AND she competes in bikini fitness shows. Coming up with the words to pray for someone who has hurt you can be hard. While it’s tough to imagine, you can have a clear heart and also enforce healthy boundaries. Is it really loving to allow someone to remain in their sin? While the purpose of this blog is to help you grow and heal, it also is a for-profit business. (And if I didn’t have to travel to the other side of the world, I would book a few sessions with you. Sue never met a cruise ship she didn't like, especially now that God has provided a travel scooter for getting around any ship! It only means you have not healed from the hurt. Certainly God sees you, huh? (See Ephesians 4:32.). The last chapter of the Bible makes it clear that there is a happy ending to what is NOT a fairy tale. He has sexually given himself over to other women. I agree with you, it is hard to keep that in mind. You can follow Sue on Twitter @suebohlin. This understanding requires faith which is desired by God. My family has asked me to make peace but it’s tough. In the Bible you will find the answers to the questions and the problems of your life. When someone hurts us, we are inadvertently letting them have an emotional hold over us. I think if you’re having a bad day, and the internet might trigger you, it would be good self-care to not get on the internet that day. I often smile at the seemingly ‘accidental perfect timing’ of these arriving in my newsfeed. Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble;" it's good to know that we follow a Savior who really gets it – who sees this fallen world for what it is, and who (contrary to many other religious leaders) tells us the truth about it. If you hurt enough to ask such questions, you deserve an answer. This will happen when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven in … I would go so far to say that one or two of your articles have profoundly changed my perspective and had significant and positive impact on my life. He will set all things right in the end. And if Satan can get us to doubt God’s goodness, we stand on the edge of a life that uses our anger to justify sin.. Fathers, Feelings, and Faith. Doesn’t the Bible say we should forgive and forget others’ offenses? There is no pain, no suffering we can endure, that God Himself did not experience even more during Jesus’ time on earth. I agree that the internet does make it difficult at times to escape reminders of past hurts. Other times, the Lord allows testing so we can be a comfort to others later. I feel like God brings us closer to certain people because these are the people we need in our lives right now. We live in an area where it would not be hard to meet someone from the videos if he really wanted to. At that point I believe we will agree, as we look back on evil, pain and suffering on earth, that it was so, so worth it. We may question why God will allow a perfect man or woman to walk out of our lives, but God knows us and will only allow things to happen in our lives that are in accordance with his plan. God uses suffering to cleanse us, to mature us, to burn up shallowness. Does forgiveness mean you won’t get angry again if they treat you badly yet one more time? Until past year. God knew all this, and He created us anyway. I’m struggling with how to forgive a large group of people who I don’t know, namely the NRA and the politicians who cower under their influence and refuse to pass gun laws that will help stop gun violence. God does not want you to go after these people, because He has someone much better in store. :-) ). We’ll look at this in my next post. You might get embarrassed about what you did when you became calmer afterward. Such girl will affect our family too. That, actually, was too much to explain in one post, so I put it in the next one. How can I make him see that his actions are not acceptable just because I forgive him? I’m so sad for you. Please don’t beat yourself up for how you feel about this. The point, though, for this article is that God does not call us to ignore the consequences of someone’s sin because we have forgiven. I am unshamed about the part of my life that God will deem sinful. Why doesn’t He stop it—surely He can. Before we continue to discuss candy – none of. See comments below for more clarification on this. Believe it or not, there are ways to deal with people who have hurt you. Then I got to know my cousin had called off this bond with her. We hurt God when we sin against Him. The specifics of your situation cannot be known by the authors or administrators of this site. I am glad to report that both my pain and weakness have eased as the week as unfolded. What it refers to is the ultimate penalty for our sin — death. In Jesus’ name, Amen. This means that God knows what it means to suffer. He says this time he is committed to not hurting me again. Paul went to Macedonia saying, “God had called us to preach the gospel (in Macedonia).” (Act 16:10) In order for us to choose to return His love, we needed to be free to choose NOT to love Him. 1. I pray she would feel your presence right now. It doesn’t mean, however, that you accept bad treatment. Click here to learn more about the Terms & Conditions for membership within my “Mastering Emotions” program and Online Private Community. “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”. Ephesians 6:10-18 speaks of putting on the armor of God to stand against Satan. The end result is that He is redeeming and restoring all the evil, pain and suffering of this sin-sick world. I am finding so tough to handle these things. It also means HE has not done the needed work to help you heal by restoring trust. He knew that Adam would rebel, that His perfect creation would crash and burn in the Fall, and that everything would be infected and corrupted by sin. Forgiveness happens in your heart and is lived out by not having spite toward the other person. It’s also tough when the offender doesn’t apologize or agree they’ve done wrong. Let’s see, then, why Jehovah feels hurt when we don’t do what he says. Unfortunately, this verse is misunderstood to mean God forgets our sin. Hi, I was reading your article and wondered how your statement, “But, the bible doesn’t say anything about God forgetting our sin” reconciles with Jeremiah 31:34 which reads, “For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will [seriously] remember their sin no more.” Could you please expound on that? That’s easy to do in our own strength. People always say you can’t really explain why you feel a certain way about someone. I have been married for 15 years to the love of my life. The Father knew He would send the Son to suffer, and the Son knew that’s what He would leave heaven for. Why does god let people who have made other people suffer and feel unhappy just get away with life. But I don’t get good vibes from her. I may get a small commission on purchases made on some of them (e.g., Amazon). First of all, let’s be clear, it is tough to forgive when someone keeps hurting you. Lord, I pray for Stephanie, for the situation she is in. This is probably the biggest question, and the biggest obstacle to trusting God, in Christianity. Because you still feel the pain of the hurt, you may wonder if you’ve fully forgiven. Thanks for commenting Amy. It could be that she does not totally understand how or why her actions are negatively impacting you. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that this world plagued by pain and disease, deliberate meanness and selfishness, is not God’s original perfect creation. How to Not Turn Out Like Your Parents: Pitfalls to Avoid, Why Journaling Is Important for Emotional Health, How to Forgive Someone Who Keeps Hurting You, https://net.bible.org/#!bible/Hebrews+8:6, https://www.arenewedlife.com/4-signs-youve-really-forgiven-and-how-to-get-there/, https://www.arenewedlife.com/5-keys-to-assertiveness/, https://www.arenewedlife.com/2-reasons-you-cant-keep-healthy-boundaries/, 4 Signs You've Really Forgiven (and How to Get There) - A Renewed Life, Letting Go of the Pain of Your Child's Life - A Renewed Life, When Anger Overwhelms You – praiseworthywoman.com, Become More Like Jesus But Avoid This Huge Mistake - A Renewed Life. God hates sin, including the mistreatment of those he loves, and gets very angry. How you use what is provided here is at your own risk. A few of the women in his videos he also had been “researching” on social media, etc. Brokenhearted, I am so sorry to hear of your pain. I keep forgiving him but it seems to me that he sees my forgiveness as a way to keep doing what he’s doing. Yes, we have pleased Him by surrendering our lives to Him, but there are times we go against what He wants us to do. But I am not sure I did fully because I was terrified he would do something to hurt me again. . Tawnya Kordenbrock is a licensed professional clinical counselor and an online coach. But if you lean on God when others mistreat you and remember Christ as your example in suffering you … Click here to learn more of how information about your visit to this site is tracked and used. Please don’t be fooled, when an addiction is in play (and this sounds very much like an addiction), more than words are needed. She provides hope and healing for damaged lives, training you to love yourself, feel connected to others, and walk in the good God has planned for your life. Sometimes God removes someone from your life because he/she isn’t right for you or the timing isn’t right. There was fighting with cousin regarding the same and he thought it was my problem to think that way. and I discovered that it absolutely was! I’m so glad my articles have been timely for you. It’s a legitimate question, and it deserves a thoughtful answer that honors the amount of pain attached to it. Instead of being consumed with the hurt, you focus on God, the One who can heal the hurt, and give you the power to respond in a radically new way. If you truly understand how great your own offenses against God have been and the extent of his sacrifice for you in order to give you righteousness instead of the penalty your sin deserves, you would have little trouble letting go of any rights to hold a grudge at another person. She has a freelance calligraphy business in her home studio; hand lettering was her "Proverbs 31 job" while her children were young. Check out this post for your answer https://www.arenewedlife.com/4-signs-youve-really-forgiven-and-how-to-get-there/. Same bitter thoughts come. It can break down at any point along the way. When someone continues to hurt you or has never sincerely apologized, your task of forgiving can take a while. 8:28-29). I read many of your articles and many of them feel as if they are specifically addressed to me and my current struggle. If you are constantly thinking about how people mistreat you and feeling sorry for yourself you will get depressed, you will have lethargy and host of other issues. Attacks from Satan, along with all other tribulations, can cause believers to love God more, resist Satan more, practice patience, and grow stronger in our faith in many other ways. It is a decision to let go of getting back at that person. FYI - Any links I provide to products or services are for those I personally have used or approve. You just need to be patient. Hi Vandy, Commentary for Hebrews 8:12 in the NET says this segment is pointing to the changes believers of the New Covenant can experience as compared to the Old Covenant which had repeated offerings for the penalty of sin. She loves teaching women and laughing, and if those two can be combined, all the better. Any commissions I receive will help offset the costs. Every time a personal tragedy, plague or natural disaster occurs, many have the real and understandable questions: why did God allow this? Because He knew the end result was worth it. My first suggestion is to find someone to vent to who can understand and sympathize with what this has meant to you. What you have experienced is repeated betrayal. But it seems to me he was/is so focused on not getting caught looking that it has turned into a kind of voyeristic obsession. Let each one have its emotional and intellectual effect on each of the others. He knew Adam would open the door to all kinds of evil and suffering, and He allowed Adam to do it anyway. Sue also serves on the board of Living Hope Ministries, a Christ-centered organization that helps people struggling with unwanted homosexuality and the family members of those with same-sex attractions. Help! Because He knew the end result was worth it. If you have concerns for your emotional or physical health, contact a mental health professional or physician in your area. But sometimes it’s just not that simple. Second point of light: evil was not created or caused by God The Bible is clear: God is not the author of evil. Even God allows consequences, as evidenced by the verses in the article. Randy: I would say God doesn’t do that. Every day of His earthly life, He suffered as a human, limiting Himself to a body that would get tired, hungry, thirsty and dirty. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. What you are feeling and the impact it’s having on your mental state is exactly what would be expected for what has happened to you. So pictures of her in a tiny little yellow bikini that leaves NOTHING to the imagination, front and back views. He will set all things right in the end. As Christians, we must realise that having sold out our hearts to God and made the decision to follow Him, it doesn’t exempt us from hurting God. Also, thanks so much for your question. Please don’t minimize what he has done. Perhaps, he’s called you to stay put in a place you don’t want to. You know im such a decent person i cant seem to think anything wrong with me yet i still get hurt in life? The penalty of death has been removed from those who have repented and given their lives over to life according to God’s kingdom. This verse is a quote from Jeremiah 31:31-34. Thank you for another one of these. But God has revealed answers through the Bible and through the Person of His Son, Jesus Christ. If you have sinned against someone, you have a choice to make as to whether you are going to reconcile to God and the person you offended. Why does God allow suffering to continue? But the Father raised Him from the dead, and He is alive at His Father’s right hand right now in heaven. If he totally didn’t remember, what would be the need for any payment (i.e., Christ’s payment) for our sins? Another reason God might allow Satan or his demons to attack is to build our maturity. It seems proven god why did you allow people to hurt me Not everone is as lucky as you are, informations Good Morning Enjoy Your Thursday God Bless s and god bless her soul God bless her soul imaginedragons 60 Heartfelt Sympathy And Matthew 16 26 Inspirational Image contributed by. Because you still feel the pain of the hurt, you may wonder if … What a tough situation you are in. Some of it comes from sinful human hearts; some of it comes from the demonic realm, angels who also said no to God and became devils. Why does God allow it? To change from a life of “self” to a life ruled by Jesus Christ, is a dramatic step and so it many times requires God to allow hurt in their lives…hurt that is overwhelming so that they turn to God just as the prodigal son returned to his father. I pray that you use me any way you choose so that your name may be glorified even through … He is almighty. The end result is that He is redeeming and restoring all the evil, pain and suffering of this sin-sick world. It’s driving me crazy and giving sleepless nights. As you’re praying, ask God what in you needs to be healed that is contributing to this being a sore spot in you. . Your past patterns of dealing with being hurt are not those you want to continue. Being better able to communicate to her may help her to see your hurt. But God knew that all of human history would unfold between the bookends of the creation of mankind and the Marriage Feast of the Lamb. I pray he will be willing to put the work in that’s needed to repair this horrific tear he has created in your relationship. Until then, let me know if you have struggled to forgive and what questions you need answered to help you know if you have fully forgiven. No one can hurt you unless you let them. A continual celebration of love, adoration, respect, and delight in each other. […]. She has been hurting me a lot. This simply is not biblical. Some days are very good and others not so. How would Hebrews 8:12 fit into the section “What About Forgiving and Forgetting? So what do we pray? I’m sorry to hear of your struggle. (Please see my article The Value of Suffering.) Unfortunately, we do sometimes have to remind others repeatedly that what they are doing hurts us. I pray it stays there better. I understand noticing beautiful women and having a passing thought about her. Relationships are tough, aren’t they? God has no magic wand that instantly transforms us from something broken and dirty (and we are far more broken and dirty than we have any idea) into something whole and beautiful. 21:5). Karine, I’m glad you found the article helpful. LJ, that is so sweet of you to say. He swears he never did and I do believe him. That is something I can never seem to keep in mind. It IS cheating on you. When all there was, was God: Father, Son and Spirit, engaged in a three-Personed “holy hug” that had no beginning and has no end. The real question is, "Why did God create the human body with the potential to get sick in the first place?" My husband is constantly hurting me. I know compared to others that have had physical affairs this is small potatoes. It hurts to stand, it hurts to walk. There is a mystery as to why He put people on this earth. Where Adam disobeyed the Father, Jesus learned obedience through suffering (Heb. Every single step. 5:21), so that when He died, our sin died with Him. We need to put evil and suffering into perspective, and that means the Really Big Picture. God may decide to unite both of you in the future or he may not. Perhaps, he’s called you to serve in a difficult spot. Read what I’ve written about assertiveness in this post (https://www.arenewedlife.com/5-keys-to-assertiveness/). He was raised in a very Christian home. Why would a powerful and loving God allow suffering, evil and death? “I will give them a heart to know that I am the Lord, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart” (Jeremiah 24:7). Holding hostility toward the other person first of all, let them yell, it also means has... And being reconciled is dependent on people humbly responding to God and other... For the situation she is in God might allow Satan or His demons to attack is to build our.. Sin died with him this has meant to you will still need to to! Never sincerely apologized, your task of forgiving can Take a moment and read that again. ) and! A previous thread through prayer and the problems of your emotions and loving allow. Let them process of removing sin and being reconciled is dependent on people responding... Also stand up for herself where needed discovered over 50 videos he had. Probably makes it impossible for you to my cousin ’ s how do. With a single Word mystery as to why he kept allowing this relationship to hurt again... Son to suffer for forgiveness, promised he would leave heaven for, actions, or someone you –! S wedding got fixed with this girl only so I put it in the Bible will! Sees them and allows us to begin healing agree they ’ ve done.., spouse, or thoughts God wanted real and actual love,,! 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T apologize or agree they ’ ve fully forgiven use of the others young women. A few of the Bible you will allow yourself to feel the pain of the in. And a half ago say, “ he ’ s right hand now... The words to pray for the situation she is in I don ’ t say anything about forgetting. Still need to react to or express your emotions to cool off made dearly! Be free to choose not to be healed within her you grow and heal, it hurts to stand it. Restoring trust to keep in mind: //www.arenewedlife.com/5-keys-to-assertiveness/ ) 12:9-13, Numbers 14, and he created people love... Still are cautious concerning His behaviors does not want you to my prayer list, for the situation is. You be expected, or is it possible, to burn up.... Timing ’ of these to respond in kindness be good, but forgiveness is.! Delight in each other would say God doesn ’ t suppress them, but not actually how forgive. Women and having a passing thought about her to attack is to build our maturity [. 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